In Which My Child’s Chain Restaurant Colouring Book is Sort of Disturbing

I think I may have found the world’s least effective stranger danger colouring book.

This evening, it being Friday and a pay week for both of us, we decided to splurge and take ourselves to that fancy chicken-themed chain restaurant in our neighbourhood. Generally we like the place because it has a little play room for the kids and they get to eat their meals out of a cardboard car and damn it, sometimes you just want rotisserie chicken without any complications and surprises. Yes, I realize it’s factory chicken and the quality isn’t the best and why am I justifying our Friday evening meal choices?

"Hey kids! It's me! That chicken from that chain restaurant you like! I'm hiding behind your tree! Don't let your mother see me!"

So we had our chicken and free dessert for the kids. Tonight, after his ice cream, the Youngling was given a special kids bag to take home. Inside the reusable bag was a colouring book and crayons. Now, it wasn’t the blatant corporate advertising (I thought there were laws against this) or the enforcement of gender stereotyping (Mother makes breakfast. Dad doesn’t show up until dinner. At the restaurant. Yes, the story in the colouring book ends with the family happily enjoying a night out. Seriously, McDonald’s isn’t this obvious).

No, it was the bizarre and not terribly well-thought out images they used to illustrate whatever kind of story this is supposed to be. Well, it’s supposed to be a couple of kids hanging out with a chicken and then going out with the family to his restaurant where said chicken will be consumed.

"Your mother told me to walk you to school. No, you don't have to check with her."

So as far as I can tell the large, anthropomorphic chicken creeps around children’s houses, hiding behind trees and beckoning innocent kids to follow him. To his credit, he doesn’t take them into a windowless van but, rather, to school. Except that if you look into their eyes, it’s fairly clear drugs have been used at some point.
With the children still in an alcohol induced haze, the chicken appears to be holding something his his hand. Is he counting money? A fee for walking them to school, perhaps? No, clearly this is some kind of finder’s fee for grooming them to be trafficked.

Don't do it, kids!

Fortunately, he isn’t a very good predator considering that his face and phone number are written on the side of his car.


2 thoughts on “In Which My Child’s Chain Restaurant Colouring Book is Sort of Disturbing

  1. This is kinda disturbing. The kids eyes are the worst — they honestly look like they’ve been eating LSD laced St. Hub. Maybe that explains the giant anthropomorphic chicken. Watching a movie like “Food, Inc.” will bring them back down to earth…

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