The Fucking Fulfords

Some time after I announced my retirement from blogging, I decided to break that promise and set up a blog that I’d write anonymously.

The idea was to expand upon something I started doing a year or so ago in which I’d write in the character of an untitled artistocrat with bigoted views and who treats those around him horribly. I decided that I’d write exclusively as that guy on the blog as a way of having fun with the class system in the same way that Stephen Colbert comments on conservative media personalities by creating a heavily detailed character called “Stephen Colbert.”

The new blog was called Upper Class Twit of the Year but it kind of sputtered to a halt in October.

As it turns out, it was for the best because no matter how finely tuned and richly created my character could be, there is simply no comparison with this guy:

While I pretended to be an untitled aristocrat with no money, he’s the real deal. His name is Francis Fulford and his family has occupied the same ancestral estate since it was granted to them by Richard the Lionheart a thousand years ago. With 3000 acres and a mansion, Fulford has no money to repair the home which falling into dereliction.

Instead, he combs the grounds with a metal detector, looking for loose change. That is, when he’s not charging senior bus tours to gawk at his estate. Or renting the rooms for Penthouse photo shoots.

He was the subject of a British documentary that recently aired on BBC Canada so you make want to keep an eye out for it if you have that channel. When I first watched it, I thought it was a parody in the manner of ‘Best in Show.’ To my shock and horror, he’s real.

He is ugly, racist, treats his wife as his personal housekeeper and has the kind of laugh, as the Times puts it, that can start a class war.

How do I compete with that?

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One thought on “The Fucking Fulfords

  1. Well this explains a lot. I saw that you stopped doing Shatnerian and so removed you from our blogroll. Nice to see you visit Transcendental Floss, John, and you are now back in our Circle of Blog, which makes me happy.

    BTW, I’m a HUGE Monty Python fan and have always loved the Upper Class Twit of the Year sketch. I really admire your attempt at a fictional character blog. I’ve thought about doing something like that, but I always chicken out.

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