“The Lord wants us to be in this race.”

Last night on Screw the Foreign Cabbie The Amazing Race, the Christian Models chose not to perform a task that likely would have prevented them from arriving in last place (but not Philiminated this week – he just stole their money). The Fast Forward required that they perform a brief Hindu ritual that included a noggin shaving. As I’m balding and frequently shaving my head, I would have been all “Bring it, yo!” but Brandon and Nicole, you see, are models. Christian models but models nonetheless. Like Samson, their strength resides in their beautiful, beautiful hair, especially Brandon, who looks like a gawky Willie Aames circa “The Blue Lagoon.”

So the models chose to be vain and went back to the original task of brick-making. Of course their claims to piety were a bit suspect when, in Dubai, Nicole asked about all those “church things” on every corner.

Brandon: “You mean those mosques?”

Nicole: “Yeah, those church things. They’re like on every corner. Kind of like Starbuck’s.”

Meanwhile, in Heaven, God, played tonight by Ellen Degeneres, hears Nicole’s comment and replies, “Oh I know you didn’t just compare a house of worship to a Starbucks! That’s it. Consider yourself smote! I won’t eliminate you from the race but I will allow you to embarass yourselves for the world’s amusement for the next week at least.”

Colin, who just finished treating the Tanzanian authorities like waiters in a restaurant over his refusal to pay cabfare, arrives in Calcutta and marvels at the scenery as his cab takes him through a slum:

“Wow. Look at the culture. It’s amazing. So much culture. *snicker* *snicker*” Colin doesn’t realise that these people are intensely poor. Lord, please pound that asshat. Pound ’em hard.

And Chip and Kim, I like you but seriously, learn to read the clue before needlessly hopping into a cab.

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