Davey and Goliath was never like this.

New Brunswickers reading this site will no doubt be familiar with that sudden urge we often have to load up the car with weapons and ammunition and head on to Toronto for a good ol’ fashioned killin’ spree. One NB chap had just that very urge recently when he loaded up the Suburu with some Judas Priest and ABBA CDs and, in the grand tradition of all maritimers, started goin’ down the road in search of his dream of shootin’ people.

Upon his arrival, a friendly dog met him in the park and wouldn’t leave him alone. He decided that if this neighbourhood has such a nice dog, then the people here can’t be all bad either. He spared their lives and turned himself in to Constable Fraser Douglas, which has to be the most Canadian name I’ve ever heard (and of course, he’s a cop).

See, this is the difference between Canadian dogs and American dogs. American dogs will instruct you to kill people while Canadian dogs will only tell you to do nice things:

“Call your loved ones!”

“Donate to charity!”

“Plant a tree!”

“Don’t kill everyone in Toronto!”

It remains unclear if the dog in question was in fact a German Shepherd/Husky mix.

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