“I’m George W. Bush and I approve this ad.”

So there’s this new commercial hawking the latest pharmaceutical aid for non-functioning penises. In it, an upper-middle-class man merrily bounds inside the door after a hard day’s outsourcing his company’s labour to Vietnam. He is strutting to the beat of the potent raw sexual energy of the theme from ‘Welcome Back, Kotter’. There’s nothing that makes one feel more sexually alive than a song that conjures up the visage of one Mr. Gabe Kaplan.

While the man jauntily tosses his keys in the Pottery Barn Moroccan Key Bowl, we see shots of a woman’s hand applying brush strokes to a canvas. The man enters the studio to see his wife, aged a socially respectable ten to fifteen years his junior, painting stalkeresque portraits of her husband including one of him running a marathon or sailing on his 70 foot yacht. He is delighted with her day’s activities, as they properly revolve around him and he embraces her with his approval.

In an unseen portion of the advert, his newly phallus-worshipping wife has painted other portraits to express her adoration including one of him as an Egyptian Pharoah, one in which he is riding atop Admiral Nelson’s horse, and one of him making sweet love to Princess Diana because if there is any other woman worthy of her husband’s attentions, it would have been Princess Diana.

I have seen this ad a lot and I may have to stick shrimp forks in my eyes if I see it again.

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