A rock star named Chad

“David Bowie comes to Calgary and there are still tickets on sale, two days before the show. Nickelback shows ups and sells the place out in five minutes. That’s not right.” -Jeremy.

So while driving home from work I was listening to 99.9 The Buzz. I’m not crazy about all the stuff they play but once in a while, I hear some stuff I like. Besides, in a radio face-off between listening to CBC’s Bernand St-Laurent doing yet another Claude Ryan retrospective and that Distillers song, Brody wins, hands down. Afterward, the DJ announced the new Nickelback song which she promised would be “dirrty.” To lazy to put down my cell where I was talking to my bookie, or even drop my Jack n’ Coke long enough to change the station, I decided to give it a listen.

Now, I think we all can be in agreement that Alberta “rockers” Nickelback are basically the Foreigner or Loverboy of 2004. They make loud, over-produced, cock-rock. It’s irrelevant, macho horse shit but it’s nothing new.

So I shouldn’t have been so surprised when I heard the following lyrics:

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that’s on your knees
And I like the way you say please
While you’re looking up at me
You’re like my favorite damn disease

Okay, so we got a shout out to those fake Puma ads from last year. But wait, there’s more:

I like the white stains on your dress

So, what? He’s dating Monica Lewinsky? Oh but there’s still more:

And I love your lack of self respect
While you’re passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck

So Chad, Chad the Rock Star is involved with a tart who services him at his bidding but she’s also a fall down drunk who’s into auto-erotic asphyxiation? And he’s mad at her because of it. It’s not enough that every time I turn on Much, I have to see him flinging his long, flaxen, blonde highlights and growling through his goatee. Now we have the mental image of Chad Kroeger getting cheese sauce on his Alberta tube steak, if you know what I mean. Thanks, Chad. I need a shower.

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