roap map

Rachel over at The Front made a reference to the dubious idea of granting nations to populations who’ve suffered deaths on a massive scale out of guilt. And while my opinions on the situation in Middle East may seem simplistic to people with more experience in these matters (my road map to peace involves people not killing each other. Ever. Yeah, what do I know?), I began to wonder if the current situation couldn’t have been prevented with a bit of planning. If only I, like Dr. Sam Beckett, could quantum leap into other peoples lives throughout history, we’d have peace today.

1948:

United Nations Guy: Right then. We’re sorry about all the pain you’ve suffered. We’re going to grant you your own nation.

Me: Thank you. We’ll take Ibiza.

UNG: Well, actually we thought we’d give you your ancestoral homeland instead. Don’t you prefer that?

Me: Are you kidding? We’ll be surrounded by our sworn enemies. We’ll be at war forever. Nope. Clean slate and all that. We’ve talked it over and we really like the beaches and the club life that Ibiza has to offer. Israel is a desert, on the Dead Sea, surrounded by people who hate us and frankly, we’re not fond of them either. Ibiza on the other hand has wicked cool deejays and hot British chicks on holiday. That is to be our new ancestoral homeland.

UNG: Well, you can’t have Ibiza…

Me: Fiji, then. Brazil. Anywhere with a beach bar and a reggae band and some decent skunk, nowhamsayin?

UNG: *sigh*

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